My sleep journey
Goodnight divine light
Over the years, actually decades, sleep has been an interesting one for me. I say interesting because I have been through periods of fantastic rest, minimal rest and no rest. At some periods my eyes will fall out my head while my body embraces 2 hours of sleep for weeks on end. And at other stages 9 hours of nourishing star recognition embraces my sweet soul (meaning amazing sleep).
I’ve also had all shades in-between.
Today I write this post to empower your divine vessels and allow you to become more loving towards your sleep.
What I had to learn quick smart with my sleep was radical self-acceptance. Before self-acceptance I would feel many emotions around my sleep. I will list a few now.
Distrust towards my bodies ability to sleep, "Am I that broken I can’t sleep”.
Anger towards my body, “Why the fuck can’t I sleep”.
Sadness about my sleep, “It sucks so much lying awake”.
Despair as I longer for sleep.
Guilt because I would think, “Am I really that mean towards myself”.
Frustration as I ’needed’ to sleep.
Resentment as I longed for sunnier feeling days.
With all these harsh emotions I soon decided that the endless nightfall tears was no longer the way as I would bet myself up.
Now, while sometimes I have full power over my sleep as I know exactly what is keeping my very eyes closed, I still go through periods where my bodies like, “Nah Alana, no sleep for you tonight my beautiful Angel, I have other plans”. So now, I choose to accept this and remain joyful. Even when this means I must change my plans for the next day as my body is slower.
However, here is what I have found to be definite sleep disturbers.
Eating sugar, cacao or any natural sweeteners after 1 pm (this includes dates) as my body has extra energy it needs to burn.
Eating too little throughout the day as my body is physically hungry at bedtime.
Eating too much too close to sleep as my body is putting all energy into digestion.
Solution, big breakfasts (like sometimes 2 whole meals), medium lunches and small dinners. This method allows me to have all the energy in the morning to do activities, enough energy to sustain my hormones and fulfil all my caloric energy needs. Additionally, I can then go to sleep with a very empty stomach to rest and rejuvenate my soul.
Mold, emotional pain, emfs, chemicals or anything that is a toxin. These are a stress factor too the body. Here my body screams "HELP, remove body from threat, there is NO time for sleep”. Hence I do not sleep as my body is wired in flight mode until my body senses safety in a safe environment once again.
Solution, I will not house sit, stay in a crazy WIFI spaceship (mansion or holiday apartment), allow myself to rent anything that smells musty (mold) or wet and I will always ensure my space is open and clean. Therefore, I have lots of windows and little things. Oh and, no rapist, homeless, big smokers or schizophrenics living near me either (yes I have had these when I was 18 - crazy INSOMNIA PERIOD). Also, if emotions are high, crying, hard conversations or fear debunking may be NEEDED for restorative sleep.
People keep me awake, yes guys, I am an ultra-intuitive feeler, so therefore when the house is alive (Ie my partners having a food party, working out or watching stimulating movies at night) so is my soul).
Solution, well… I love him and recognise that his a night owl, therefore we are still working on this one. But, his good at keeping quiet.
If I don't move I get to 8pm with all this ENERGY which demands me to RUN, WEIGHT LIFT or GET MY BOOTY SHAKING.
Solution, I move a lot, it’s a crazy amount! But this circulate all my random energy which means a 30 to 90 minute walk most days and a 30 to 60 minute workout 5 times a week. And, the days I don't move I literally lay awake until I move - this sometimes means midnight runs or 2 am workouts.
Stimulation, no, not cacao but rather seeing people, new environments or doing fun activities makes my soul feel fulfilled. If I dont do this I lay awake in anticipation to do something fun because my day was Vanilla.
Solution, I love cooking for others, I love spending weekends doing fun stuff with my partner and I love travel. Doing all this makes my soul peaceful and happy.
Finally, participating in soul disruptive activities that do not light me up makes my heart unhappy, even if it’s simple things like overworking, hanging with the wrong people (even when my mind screams JOY) or, studying (aka my old university days).
I will love on myself and do what lights me up.
And, everything else outside of this I surrender, such as now when my spirt yarns and my body seeks rest yet my soul is floating somewhere else. Hence this post.
A few more notes…
I see you in your need for sleep, I have had the Oura ring, covered myself in lavender, taken homeopathic's and sleep pills, played with the Apollo Neuro, had reiki, practiced meditation, seen healers and so much more, yet my results remain.
I also understand the frustration as you lay there in the unknown, me for years on years.
And, I hear you in the promises from another who tells you they know how to ‘fix’ your sleep. I still remember the tender words from my first lover who I never slept or had sex with, he said, “Why didn’t you tell me you have insomnia, I could have helped with that,” alluding to the fact that the presence of his body could heal my sleep. Funny how my mind still tells me this.
But, I also want to remind you that we all have tender points, for some it is acne, for others it is depression, gut complications, family problems or infertility (or all of the above). And, that’s okay, it may be annoying but its very human.
Your acceptance of the situation, ability to nourish self (movement, food, activities), embrace radical self-action to improve (get out of the pain and see the experts), listen to the awake souls yearning and self-kindness is your biggest gift towards yourself, everything else is a mystery card.
So, divine one allow and see the gifts in it. For me it means I must nourish, move and self-care daily along with align my life more and more. It also means that when my soul needs to get something out (aka, this), it does.
I love you divine soul,
Goodnight,
Alana Xx
