I rejected writing this because…

21 years of my life were dark, very dark…

I looked down at my boney shadow that was now below 40kg in a sign of relief. It hadn’t taken me long to get their, maybe 6 months at best (side note, I was over 58kg prior). But, I knew I was the most attractive now. Additionally, I was declared the ‘smarted’ that year for my year group, and I knew that in 2 years I would be able to buy my first car at $16k outright. I was on my way to great success with ideas of a booming instagram and current tradgetory.

For me, success meant everyone praising me, queening me and idolising me. Even if it was at the expense of friends and a loving family, being kind or having health and JOY.

But beyond all, the reality of my inner world was that I was enraged by body confinement as I yearned to escape but felt helplessly powerless. I was desperate to reunite with myself, do what I loved, embrace my gifts from God and be a part of a family where I felt accepted. Meanwhile, suceeding on earth, connected to the divine and laughing daily.

Yes guys, to make it very clear I had a hetic eating disorder, eating the amount of a musli bar daily for months on end. Additionally, I exersized for ridiculous hours a day, I bet my father and thrashed my mother, I spent all my free hours doing homework and my summer holidays working around the clock. I had no-one I would call a friend, my bones constantly ached and I was miserable.

I had anxiety, depression, hypothalamic amenorrhea, SIBO and IBS (gut related).

Truthfully, I negleted my spirit, soul and essance (personalliy, passion and hobbies) after feeling like no-one really needed or loved me. Because of this, i seeked success from places I saw JOY - this was instagram, virtual worlds where sex happened, an attractive body, food, grades and my car.

So how did I climb back to JOY?

I didn’t, well not at first.

It wasn’t until I was shocked by love for another that I was forced to learn what love was again. Only, as fast as it came, he went. Heartbroken, I embraced the journey back home to myself using his skills of seeing, hearing and holding myself.

From here I grew slowly to united with myself.

But, it wasn’t pretty. Daisy and butterflies did not exist, rather, days of binging, sleeplessness, hard friendship decisions, mourning, clear discernment and deep inner acceptance followed. I had to learn who I was and what brought me joy, I had to close my perception of sucess and learn how to be a good human. I also had to learn how to allow love in and what it meant to truly THRIVE.

Then, when I thought I understood it all and I ‘made it’, I met another man, this one a rock. Again, I was forced to deep dive with him, the binging, sleeplessness, hard friendship decisions, mourning, clear discernment and deep inner acceptance returned. Only this time I wanted my first man (I even flew to his country to see him).

I wanted out and I wanted all but my rock. Yet, we remained strong in the shake. 

Throughout all my growth periods I loose myself completely and stray from my truths.

One may say men have been my God, I say they both were the mirrors I needed to discover my JOY through complete self acceptance, transparency (yep, telling my man I wanted the other man…), full self embrace (leaving my old career go - low income) and learning to value friends and family first. 

If I can give you one tip in finding your JOY, be real, try new things and allow love in - in your daily routines, jobs, hobbies, friends and family (not just men). 

Through focussing on JOY, my purpose became bigger than any lie, binge or unaligned decisions. 

Today, I help others be JOY. 

Throughout this journey I started with building my foundations, then I added in fun, service and finally money - this is all shared in my self-paced course …. Truly, this course helps you rebuild your life from the roots up to live your fullest and most rewarding life. I am so happy that you get to have this wisdom in a condensed and coherent manner that allows you to live your DREAM LIFE, not to mention be the incredibly talent, beautiful, sucessful and JOYful spirit that your are.

In my journey I also discoved different BODY codes that reveal quickly who I am on a mind, body soul and spirit level to reunite in all moments and accerlerate my JOYful beingness, but also success on this planet as a human. These work alongside the course…. and while both are amazing to have in your tool box, the BODY codes I now offer with my 1:1 clients only. These truly are life changing.

BODY codes are suttle and peaceful in character, my course…. is very direct and fast passed, these oppisites display the YIN and YANG elements. Both work together but seperatly. I would say, if you want a general deep dive, my course is the way to go if you want specifics because specific areas in your life lack (ie your relationship or money situation) then working with me 1:1 will help reveal specific answers for your lifes SUCESSION and JOY.

Guys, you are closer to JOY than you know, you are JOY.

I love you wild heart, big love,

Alana Xx

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My prayer for you:

May you never dull, shrink or fall short of your truth. You are BRAVE, wildely beautiful, so precious to be around and such a gift to life. Thank you for being here.

My prayer for my LOVE and rock:

May we always hold hand, dance, fart and sing on dates, feel our breaths each morning, touch frequently, cheer another on in life, grow in identity and love hard and only love harder as we become more, together as one unit but also apart as two whole individuals.

My prayer for my first love who was delivered to me by God - to shake my life:

Dear Jackson, my heart still thinks of you sometimes. I send you love and pray your journey is bright. Xx